HALLOWEEN is the ONLY day you don't mind answering the door.

HORROR-SCOPE (10-30-09) Wait Wait Wait, did ya hear that? Listen….ok-ok, you heard that! Oh man that’s not good----there’s pounding on your door downstairs, not just the door---the windows! the house!!! It’s Everywhere!!! My God, whose is that! What is that! Sounds like hundreds of them----They’re going to break in! Damn, they’re getting in! Quick, close the door and help me move this dresser---give me that cell phone---there’s no time!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

TODAY'S FUN FACT: Balboa may be credited with "discovering" the Pacific Ocean but it was actually already there---for years!

MT. PILOT MAN LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN AFTER ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS!

HORROR-SCOPE (10-28-09) Today, you share a birthday with BRUCE JENNER---whose gender reassignment surgery was a complete success! Sightings of dancing skeletons shall be more prevalent as Halloween approaches. Don't let your sheer enthusiasm for mountain climbing lead you down a slippery slope. There should be a change in the weather at some point in your area. The sale of fireworks will skyrocket next June. Never slap a Rhinoceros in your bare feet. You will be recognized at your next family reunion---sorry...

TODAY'S FUN FACT:  A Floorist is a guy who lays down tile for a living. If he has trouble doing his job, it is known today as erect-tile dysfunction...

MAN ARRESTED FOR SMUGGLING BOOKS INTO ARKANSAS!

HORRORSCOPE (10-27-09) Your tailor may try to alter your opinion to suit his needs. This is a wonderfully creative day for you, call in sick and rearrange your sock drawer! This can be a very fruitful day if you work in an orchard. To count on others just doesn't add up. A good waiter brings a lot to the table. You are the driving force behind the wheel of your car. Think twice before procrastinating. Make tentative choices without hesitation. Experienced barbers shear at a good clip and never cut corners. Enjoy yourself while boating but don't go overboard...
TODAY'S FUN FACT: A hair in your popsicle is called a "follicle."

CHECK YOUR PUMPKINS TODAY FOR ICONIC IMAGES!

HORROR-SCOPE (10-25-09) In your pumpkin patch today, you will find a pumpkin that looks similar to Jesus or possibly one of his disciples. Make sure you get photo proof and back it up on a disc before you call the liberal media. Prepare yourself for the onslaught of nutbags who will be invading your property crying, moaning, praying and stuff... Shave, shower and wear you best good clean clothes so you look decent on camera. Are you sure you want to go thru with this? Remember the wise old adage, "A warehouseman never performs a stocking feat in his stocking feet." Strap on a harness and it will give you a new leash on life and show great restraint...

TODAY'S FUN FACT: Christopher Columbus landed on our shores on October 12, 1492---which just so happened to be "COLUMBUS DAY!"

Question: "How was the carnival?" Answer: "Faire"

HORRORSCOPE (10-22-09) Face the music by turning towards the speakers. Keep a close eye on the situation at hand from afar. Have a riot at the demonstration. I hope things were fine in trafiic court today. I hope your sprained ankle is swell, but I heard the carnival was fair. Keeping things simple will only complicate matters. Unless you're tired of living, never whack a leopard in the butt with a wiffle ball bat. You are allergic to rash thinking. Take the weight off your shoulders by letting others do the heavy lifting. Your shoe's untied...
TODAY'S FUN FACT: The very first Microphones were simple crude vocal enhancers that were virtualy inaudible.

GRANDPA RODE A TRACTOR, JESUS RODE A RAPTOR

HORROR-SCOPE (10-18-09) This is an accident-prone day. Do not leave an open gallon of paint on top of the ladder as you fly by it blind folded on your roller skates while holding a flaming torch in one hand, a pair of scissors in the other hand, a rag dripping with gasoline in your back pocket and a butcher knife in your teeth... Living in a fantasy world will make your dreams come true. It'a a good day to chill out in the desert sun. Ferrets are not a wise choice for house pets---along with aardvarks, raptors, gibbons, cobras, panthers and pumas. You won't run out of time if you have enough clocks. Double-cross those who cross you...

TODAY'S FUN DINOSAUR FACT: The fattest Dinosaur was the "BLUTOSAURUS.

LAST ONE IN THE ARK IS A ROTTEN DINOSAUR EGG!

HORROR-SCOPE (10-17-09) Think twice before doing anything spontaneous. If someone makes fun of your lawn, defend your turf and stand your ground. Initiate change by using larger bills. To clear your schedule, highlight and hit delete. Let your car steer you in the right direction. A good stage manager works behind the scenes. To stay on a level playing field, keep off the mound. Share the wealth by spending other people's money. The next time someone cooks for you, return the flavor. Lie to others and be true to yourself. Chirping is for the birds...

TODAY'S FUN DINOSAUR FACT: The stupidest of all Dinosaurs was the "INBECILLION." It was even dumber than the "MORONOSAURUS."