HORROR-SCOPE (10-01-09) In you live in a remote area and are abducted (again) by Aliens and transported to Mars, STAY IN THE SHIP! With its 0.13% Gravity and 95% carbon dioxide and surface temperatures as low as -200 Fahrenheit, the thin atmosphere of our distant Spherical Reddish Friend will suck the life right out of you---almost like listening to a Michael Bolton album! If you do foolishly decide to explore the windy dusty barren landscape, for Heaven's sake--wear a nice warm coat, SCBA (self-contained breathing apparatus) and sensible shoes. And for the love of PeteBob, don't do the "Moonwalk joke" for the Martians, they've seen it a million times since 1983 and are not impressed. In fact, many indigenous Martians are unhappy with Earthlings (or "Hayseeds" as they mockingly refer to us) continually being abducted and brought to their planet only to be probed, photographed, cloned and then dropped back off on one of our lonely backwoods country roads. Some Martians have even started protesting, but since we are the only other inhabitants in the Galaxy discovered so far, we're the only choice they have---though they wonder in amazement how such "Empty Vessels" managed to land on the "Little Orb" a few times back in the '70's.
TODAY'S FUN FACT: A Martian year is 687 Earth days---which explains why Martians look so good for their age...
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