Found this menu --- it's a Catholic Restaurant in rural IL
The House of
Barrabus is open Monday through Saturday---Never
on Sunday--- from 5:00 am until midnight except during Lent when
it opens at 10:00 am for the all you can eat Loaves
and Fishes Luncheon.
“No matter how much you eat, the food never ends.”
Every Tuesday is NOAH’S ARK
NIGHT--- “Two of everything for the price of one!” And “strap on
the feedbag,” because every Saturday is the Roman Gladiator’s Buffet featuring our “many Mansions combo
bucket---all you can eat in a reed woven basket. From olives to smelt---from
our hearts to your stomach.”
The House of
Barrabus is located next to the
convent across from the Rectory on the grounds of St. Bebbis-Claire Church and
School in Farron Springs.
Why
is our food so good?
“because
it is written”
HOUSE
of BARRABUS MENU
APPETIZERS
The Sprigs of St. Raymond’s --- Asparagus & mustard seed served
on an edible fig leaf (served
cold)
God’s Little Roots --- an exciting blend of baby carrots, beets,
radishes & green onions in a heavenly ginger root sauce and served with
“daily breadsticks”
Hosanna Hot Dog Platter ---small wieners smothered in Father Kanker’s
coveted secret recipe barbecue sauce
Cheeses, Mary and Joseph --- Not The Almighty’s creation but actually
Brother Tiddles Romano cheese sculptures in the shape of Mary and Joseph.
Served with our own “mule radish” sauce. All of our cheese is imported from
the famous “CHEESES of NAZARETH” Farms in Bethany.
Brother Hadies Deviled Eggs --- with or without paprika, it beats the hell
out of its competitors
The Apostles Cheese ---12 different cheeses from around the world---a great sampler offering
for the whole family!
MANNA
--- our most popular appetizer --- “From the hands
of God,” says Fr. Kanker. What is it? What is it made from? Close your eyes and
imagine awaiting the miracle---you’ll be converted after the first bite!
SOUPS
VENIAL SOUP --- it’s almost a sin not to try this --- but only a little one
VENIAL SOUP --- it’s almost a sin not to try this --- but only a little one
Lucifer’s French Onion --- awfully tempting
Gumbo of Gabriel --- live a little...if you dare
Pagan Pesto Soup --- wickedly good -- almost sacrilegious
Latin Alphabet Soup ---The letter shaped noodles are all in the style
of Old Latin and ancient Arabic...Remember how it used to be? dominus nobiscum indeed...
The
GARDEN of EDEN Salad Bar
Note: During The Lenten Season, free lentils (10 different!) will be available all
day at the Salad Bar to mix with your favorites – it’s our “Lentils for Lent” Celebration!
SALADS
The Lettuce Prey --- 5 kinds of organic hybrid lettuce smothered in our own “God’s House
Dressing”
The Seven Deadly Sins Bean Salad --- made with 7 kinds of beans including: kidney, pinto, kello &
Euphrates beans
The Hail Caesar’s Salad --- with Romaine lettuce & “miracle” whip
The Phillistine Salad --- chosen by few -- loved by many
The Ascension Sunday Salad --- a house specialty--- rise and
shine and rejoice!
The Kale Mary --- This unusual salad featuring “the little cabbage that’s really
starting to catch on!” Served with our very own virgin rosemary dressing
BURGERS
---made with Angus beef
from ROME
ST. PETERSBURGER --- this 1/2 pound patty is always prepared to your specifications --- a
burger bearing this saint’s name better be heavenly! You decide
The DAVID BURGER --- a small burger for the “young soldier of
Christ”
The GOLIATH BURGER --- A full pound of our finest beef “for those who art tired of fasting” --- You’ll
be so full you might not be able to get up!
CAMEL BURGER --- Camel meat was a very common choice during the
time of Abraham --- and it is with great pleasure that we offer you this
endangered yet pricey delicacy. Brother Kanker says it “tastes like donkey only
much gamier” and he wouldn’t lie...
INEXCELCIUS DAGO BURGER --- made with lots of melted mozzarella cheese --- one
of the Pope’s favorite summer meals. You see, THE PONTIFF is known to
enjoy many of his meals from the “Holy Weber” while resting in His serene
outdoor patio at the Vatican.
The
SHORES of GALILEE Seafood Menu
We present our very special seafood
offerings. Anything on the Shores of Galilee is always available when
we’re open. We are open earlier for Lunch during LENT at 11:00 a.m.
Please remember folks that no matter
what you order, “OUR WINE IS ALWAYS WATER” as the wine stewards are prompt in
making sure that your goblets remain full...and that‘s a solemn vow!
SALMON on the MOUNT --- our famous salmon cooked and “mounted”
on blessed cedar planks and made in the kiln once frequently used by Pope
Etheridge IV and served with an olive branch
BLACKENED BLACK SEA BASS of SOLOMON
New
Orleans meets Jerusalem --- from the actual Black Sea!
The TROUT of TURIN --- another miracle
from the kitchen of Fr. Kanker --- never a forgery!
JUDAS ESCARGOT ---
taken from our own Parish Snail farm ---
try it, your taste buds will not betray you!
The DEAD SEA SCRODD --- you’ll truly feel
blessed
FILET of SOLE
--- This is one sole you can see & eat... and if you can’t finish
you can “save your sole” and take it home for leftovers
The YELLOW FIN of JONAH --- No, it’s actually a
yellow fin Tuna filet. Our “River Nile
Catch of the Day!”
Rolled CARP Balls --- not really Carp at all,
but actually, hand dipped
herring in our own ancient myrrh bouillabaisse
some “wise men” once taught us...
WALLEYE of JERICHO --- better than steak? You tell us! And I bet we know
the answer!
RED SEA SNAPPER --- Is it really from the
Red Sea? We can’t tell a lie ---
so please don’t ask!!!
OUR LADY of MT. CARMEL CALAMARI --- sacred sautéed squid served
on a bed of caramelized onions
THE HOLY MACKEREL --- this baby is so succulent, so tender, you’ll
swear by it!
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS SAMPLER PLATE
You better be hungry, as this “feeds a
multitude!”
BURNED
AT THE STEAK
SPECIAL
GRILLED MENU
Our seared
steaks are the best in the diocese. Look these over ... I’m sure there’s a
steak for you!
The JOAN OF ARC --- A well done
flame-charred Porterhouse... don’t be a martyr, try it
The Mummer’s Steak
---No disguising the great taste of this beauty --- recipe borrowed – not taken
- from an ancient text
THE CRUCIFIXION
--- Our wonderful 20 oz. T-Bone steak. “Why hath thou foresaken thee” is a
question you’ll ask once you try this enchanting slab of delight
THE MORTAL SIN
--- A colossal 42 oz. Sirloin steak for the true glutton. “Because sometimes you just don’t care anymore!” Order
the Mortal Sin today and
play “Beat the Bishop!” We have a time clock shaped like Bishop
Blanchette that is set for 10 minutes from the time your plate hits the table.
If you finish everything on your plate including the baked yam, feathered
squash and unleavened bread, your steak is free! But if you don’t “Beat the
Bishop” it’ll set you back $49.99 plus the usual 29% Parish gratuity.
You can enjoy many other dishes if steak
& seafood don’t whet your appetite, such as:
SACRIFICIAL
LAMB CHOPS --- We offer these up daily
ADAM’S
MISSING RIB --- Our succulent “spare rib” platter
BEEF
PURGATORY --- Just one step away from Paradise
The
TABERNACLE QUAIL --- Small bird big flavor
CHICKEN
a la KING HEROD --- This is a much better dish than he
was a King!
PORK
MARY “MAGDALEAN”--- Our leanest piece of pork cooked until
it’s so tender you’ll be humbled.
CHICKEN
POMPEII --- This Herculean dish, from a recipe rescued from
the ruins of Mt. Vesuvius, has sated the masses for centuries!
SHEPHERD'S
PIE
--- don’t be sheepish --- always a favorite at our annual Parish “EUCHARISTIC
BALL.”
THE
ST. FRANCIS of Assisi children’s menu
ST. PAUL’S FISHSTICKS
The David burger (as mentioned
before)
Beans and frankincense
Roman Numeral Soup – Kids LOVE alphabet soup – well, now they can eat AND
learn the numeric system used in ancient Rome – and it costs only $IV
Peanut butter & black olive jelly (just
tell the kids it’s really blackberry jelly – they’ll love it!)
The baby cheeses --- a variety of cheeses the kids enjoy such as American,
string, & velveeta, shaped like a little child and resting in a
“manger” made of edible rice cake and shredded chocolate “straw.”
THE
EARLY MASS
BREAKFAST
MENU
Breakfast hours are daily from 5:00am until 10:30am except on Sunday’s,
Thanksgiving Friday, Christmas Eve, June 6th (Olde Latin New Year’s Day) St. Bartholomew’s Day, All Martyr’s
Day, Feast of the Dove, Palm Saturday, Holy Tuesday, Lincoln’s birthday, Blue
Monday, Feast of the Lamb, Black Tuesday, Arbor Day, Mary’s Birthday, Feast of
the First Feast, Feast of our Blessed Lady of Bernadette, Isaiah Thursday, Record
Store Day, Marauder’s Day, and Ascension Wednesday.
EGGS
ST. BENEDICT --- named after the patron Saint of breakfast dishes
POPE PIUS Pancakes
with our original sugar “Cane and Abel” syrup --- say no more!
ROGER BACON, LETTUCE & TOMATO ---most people
don’t know that the FRIARS invented the B.L.T. and Roger Bacon was the
first monk to shred the swine flesh!
FLAPJACKS NOBISCUM
--- with a side order of OLD LATIN LEVITICUS SAUSAGE...it’s et cum
spiritutu--oh so good!!!
The “40 days” DESSERT Menu
EVERYDAY
IS SUNDAE!
Make sure you
save some room in that “temple” of yours because our dessert menu always
contains 40 different kinds of sweet
afters. Our “40 days” dessert menu changes daily --- you’ll never tire of
our sacrifices. It’s time to give in to
temptation as we deliver you these tasty morsels --- no contrition necessary!
Amen. Please be seated.
BUTTERSCOTCH
PALM SUNDAE --- a delight served on a wooden platter
shaped like an outstretched hand
EASTER
SUNDAE --- made with multi-colored eggs and topped with
jelly beans
ANGELFOOD
CAKE
--- they don’t call this Angelfood cake for nothing!!! Light as a feather –
like an Angel!
ADAM’S
APPLE PIE --- No, not that Adam. This pie is made by our own
Father Seth Adams who uses nothing but the best “EPHRAIM” green apples.
SISTINE
CHAPEL SUNDAE --- Build your very own masterpiece!
For those who still have lots of room. Choose from the many flavors of ice
cream and toppings from our revolving “Carousel of Confections.”
SACRED
BLACK COW --- just like when you were a kid at A & W - only this Cow is blessed!
The
BIBLICAL FRUIT PLATTER --- an assortment of figs, dates
and olives served on a huge edible eucalyptus leaf.
For those who
desire to cap off their dining experience with a little libation, we have:
“THE CONFESSIONAL”
The
CONFESSIONAL is our unique
bar and entertainment venue in one room! Step up to the “altar” and order a
nightcap from our creative bartender and recovering alcoholic, Father Gerald
Soberine...and who knows drinks more than an alcoholic priest, correct?
The
Confessional is open Monday through Saturday from 4:00 pm until 1:30 am. Dancing
is never discouraged as you can “whirl to the old girl” to the wonderful tapes
of the late Mrs. Griffin and her bombastic pipe organ melodies.
And don’t
forget --- every Saturday evening is “Karaoke Night.” Sing along with Father
Vincent as he belts out the “relics” from his youth --- from Black Sabbath to
Spirit to Genesis. You’re encouraged to take over the microphone at any time
and sing along to your favorite songs. Duets are also welcomed during “hymns
and hers” hour every Friday at 10:00 pm. We have everything from Gregorian
Chants to Jonas Brothers to Nazareth so don’t be bashful! Also, be sure and stick around until midnight
for the “LIMBO CONTEST” and win a free House of Barrabus HOLY CARD! So, leave
your guilt at home and lift your “spirits” to the heavens!
Here’s a
sampling of some of Fr. Soberine’s self-named mind numbing concoctions:
BLOODY
HAIL MARY --- not for
virgin lips as this baby’s packing some heat!
The
EXTREME UNCTION --- for the serious drinker, a 16 oz. glass containing 8 different liqueurs
served with a Godiva Chocolate spoon. (Last
Rites not included)
The
SPANKING NUN --- made with
Coffee liqueur, vodka and milk --- served with a black licorice stick
LEPER’S
REVENGE --- “guts
you from the inside out”
AFTER
THE FLOOD ---Bored of
education? Then try the driest martini in town --- the perfect after school
pick-me-up!
The PONDERING PONTIFF --- What is it? After 2 or 3 you won’t care we
promise you...
